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Opinionated

Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Journal

As promised, I write this journal to track my progress in the world of Tamriel. I feel like a visitor here, still trying to find my place in the land, but I'm sure with time that will change.

Cutedge, again, is a Dark Elf. Not as fearsome looking as his previous incarnation, Cutedge is a soft-faced blue dark elf. No background preceeds him. No history or set of actions. At this point, he doesn't even know his birthsign. Once again, like his predecessor before him, he finds himself in prison for no reason. You'd think that after all these years, the discrimination against Dark Elves would end. No such luck. Instead I found myself tormented by the prisoner across the way. He taunts about going to Morrowind and taking care of "my wife". What a jerk.

Not much time later, voices echo down the hallway. Could it be? Indeed, the Emperor Picard and his guards come down the hall. It seems that by fate I've been thrown in the cell that has a secret exit from the city. They seek escape from assassins that are coming after the Emperor, having already dispatched his sons, and I'm in the way. Oops. They decide to let me go, and I'm free to escape through the dank. My lucky day.

After dispatching rats and trolls, I find this culinary delight. Being that this seems like an important adventure, I take everything I can. Rat chunks, human skulls, and tons of lockpicks. If I've learned anything in my brief adventuring, it's that every troll carries a set of lockpicks. I fight my way through a few more caverns and find myself back in the company of the Emperor. He's still trying to escape, and is being ambused by assassins in red. I make sure to take everything from their corpses. He tells me of destiny and how he is soon to die. Depressing.

Sure enough, the Emperor suffers his emo fate after giving me the Amulet of Kings. I am to take it to some guy who knows where the Emperor's bastard child is. Apparently Jean Luc liked the ladies. The Blades, guardians of the Emperor, let me leave. Gee, thanks. I fight my way through the sewers. More rats. More trolls. Soon I find myself in the blinding sunlight.

I decide the Emperor's assassins had style and don one of their hoods. As a healer/mage, I don't feel comfortable wearing some giant metal helmet. Maybe I'll join up with these assassins. I mean, Emperor schemperor. They've got red hoods. RED HOODS.

I continue my trek. I guess I haven't told you where I was heading. I'm going to find some monk. He knows where the bastard child is, and from there I do not know where I go. However, that's all in the future. Right now, I walk down the road. Suddenly, I encounter an unpleasant suprise. A Kilrathi highwayman demands my money. I know that they are down on their luck after being decimated by a single hero time and time again, but why take it out on me? What did I do? I've never flown a spacefighter in my entire existance. I haven't even flown a horse. Can you fly a horse? I fight with the Kilrathi. He has a big hammer and he lunges after me. Luckily I dispatch him easily with a poof of blue light. Blue light is bad for Kilrathi. I seem to recall firing it from my spacecraft at them. Wait, I just said too much. For now, my adventure ceases.

-- Day Two --

I make it to Weynon Priory, where Jauffre is. He is suprised to see me and more suprised that the Emperor gave me the Amulet of Kings. After rubbing it in his face that his Blades, the Emperor's bodyguards, managed to let both the Emperor's sons AND the Emperor get killed in the same day, I give him the Amulet. He places it in plain sight on a bookshelf for safe keeping. He then tells me to go find the Emperor's bastard child in Kvetch.

One of the brothers of the monastary tells me that I can use his horse. He neglects, however, to tell everyone ELSE that he's giving me his horse. Upon taking it, another resident of Weynon Priory smacks me upside the head. Looks like I'm walking again. That's ok, though. It's only 1/4 of the way across the land of Tamriel. I'll just jump randomly the whole way and work on my Athletic skill!

Along the way, I stumble into some old ruins. There are cultists there. I ask one which way it is to Kvetch. He informs me that I should leave by going in the appropriate direction. What a nice fellow!

Weary from my jumping, I stop at a city on the way. Perhaps I can talk to the Mages Guild there and ask about getting a recommendation. I have to collect all the recommendations of every Mage Guild in the world if I want to become the ultimate sorceror and enter the Arcane Library. I undertook this quest by accident, thinking that I could gain access to the Arcade Library, but now that I'm on it, I feel it too is a goal well worth trekking around for. Arcade Library. If only.

It starts to rain. Having heard about the rain of Tamriel, I am prepared. With elegance and skill I dodge between the raindrops. The rain here is so powerful that it can travel through solid objects like this bridge. With that much strength, I can only think in horror of what it would do to my (dark) elven body.

I dodge for what seems like minutes, and the rain stops. The sun comes out. I am safe for another day.

I lead out. The leader of the Mages Guild apparently sent some doofus to go study elsewhere, having relegated himself to being the Jar Jar Binks of the local chapter. Wait, who's Jar Jar Binks? How do I know these names? Irregardless, I head out into the woods to find the cave where this nitwit is.

I find the cave and venture inside. It is crawling with undead. I hear the terrified screams of the numbskull down the way. I fight off the undead in what can only be called a spectular battle that will be heralded through the ages. He is happy to see me and tells me that he'll follow close behind, but warns me that he is distracted by shiny things and sometimes runs headfirst into walks and stands there for hours. Great. I should have brought a leash.

The idiot returned, I make way way out of the city and continue my journey. Next stop: Kvetch.

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